Open letter from California

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Posted by Billy on December 02, 2004 at 22:52:07:

Ok..I'm all in. I'll try and get something going and see where it takes us. I recieved this in my e-mail today and although I did not find it extreamly funny I thought it may generate some thoughts...perhaps not.

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you.
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue
States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota,Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North
East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will
be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new
country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it,
she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm
EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know
they need to be back in their states by then.
God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In
addition, we're getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But
God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie
Chicks).

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,
pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need
all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in
Fallujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're
willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you
don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home. So, you
get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator
and stem cell research. (We would love you to take
Britney Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the
south, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night
TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan
O'Brien. You get...well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News
to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch
Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction.
Seriously.
Soon.

Sincerely,
California

Re: Open letter from California

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Posted by Doug W on December 04, 2004 at 02:46:17:

In Reply to: Open letter from California posted by Billy on December 02, 2004 at 22:52:07:

Dear California,
Goodbye and good luck. We don’t know how God grants you the entire Pacific Ocean. Seems a bit imperialistic for you non-colonialist types but, if God is on your side, I guess that’s that. But, must you take Hollywood? Boo hoo! Please don’t throw me in that briar patch! Ha ha. Actually, we insist! If you were the least bit hesitant, we would pay you handsomely to take that piece of garbage with you.

I’m surprised that you don’t want the KKK though. Won’t your ACLU, their champion, and your Democrats, the party of Bull Connor, George Wallace, Fritz Hollings, Robert Byrd, bussing and affirmative action miss their guiding light? Well, I guess you’ll still have NAMBLA, the Skokie Nazis, NOW, PETA, ELF, ALF, NAACP, CCR, NLG, and the rest of the misogynist, racist, Marxist Left to fill the void. We’ll deal with the KKK in short order without your ACLU running interference (you will take them with you I hope).

I don’t think you really have a choice on the country music thing. If any music goes with you willingly it will, of course, be anti-country music. Hank senior and crew will be quite welcome here.

We sincerely hope your culture of dismemberment of babies and eradication of the institution of marriage will foster a robust and compassionate culture and your embrace of opposition to war will ensure you peace. If, though, by chance, anybody should declare war on you, for, oh, maybe, having a decadent civilization, and start setting off bombs in your malls and schools, please don’t come to us war-mongering red states for assistance.

As for MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien, we don’t know what we’re missing. I mean literally, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE MISSING! Who are these people and how have we gotten along without them until now? Are you joking?

For 8 long years, while a decadent, depraved, treasonous buffoon and his vicious Marxist consort of your choosing sat in the White House, we accepted the will of the American people, as members of a republic, respecting the institutions of our nation, based on the consent of the governed, must. We marshaled our forces and refined our arguments. We used the legal means of persuasion and politics, saying, ”Next year!” We did not behave like little babies and say, “Oooh we lost, we’re gonna’ take our marbles and leave the game.” By your actions you have exposed your hatred of democratic governance. We see that the will of the people is not in your playbook. When elections in your new country of California don’t go as you wish, will you then split off again? And when future elections of those split-offs are unsatisfactory, again? I think not. I think that any country founded upon rejection of the will of the people will do away with the nasty, inconvenient process of elections altogether, right off the bat. If you are going to leave the game, why institute the same game you lost in your new country?

I think that the first thing we need to do here in the real world is erect strong fences and minefields, patrolled night and day to see that, once you have left, none of you filthy vermin EVER make it back in to the real United States of America!

Buh byeeeee